HELLO HULK FRIENDS!

HULK GET LOT OF QUESTIONS FROM YOU NERDS AND HULK WISH HE HAD TIME TO ANSWER THEM ALL. BUT HULK HAVE LIFE AND NO CAN SIT ON TWITTER ALL DAY PANDERING TO YOU DWEEBS. SO HULK THOUGHT HE TAKE MINUTE AND ANSWER FEW OF YOUR QUESTIONS NOW. LET DIG IN…

@jadedpunkhulk in a punk remake of the Goonies, who would play each of the Goonies? Obviously Danzig would be Chunk…

— Jamie Sanders (@Epic_Problem) August 23, 2012

WHAT WEIRD QUESTION! ACTUALLY CHUNK WOULD BE PLAY BY FAT MIKE. EVERYONE WOULD ASK HIM TO DO FAT MIKE SHUFFLE. IT LOT LIKE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE EXCEPT HE LIFT UP BONDAGE OUTFIT AND BUNCH OF COKE FALL OUT OF BELLY BUTTON.

JELLO BIAFRA WOULD PLAY MOUTH BECAUSE HE ALWAYS BLABBING ON ABOUT CRAP UNTIL PEOPLE WANT HIM TO SHUT UP.

FOR SEAN ASTIN ROLE, WE PROBABLY GET SOME EMO NERD LIKE GUY FROM JIMMY EAT WORLD OR PROMISE RING. ONLY PLOTHOLE THOUGH IS THAT CHARACTER ACTUALLY HAVE TO KISS A GIRL.

FOR SLOTH, WE NEED TO FIND BIG DUMB MONGOLOID WITH TERRIBLE GRASP OF ENGLISH LANGUAGE. WE COULD HOLD CASTING SESSION AT MADBALL SHOW AND IT TAKE ALL OF 5 MINUTES.

ALL OTHER CHILD ROLES GET FILLED BY TITLE FIGHT SINCE THEY NOT HIT PUBERTY YET.

DANZIG WOULD PLAY MAMA FRATELLI BUT HE GONNA HAVE TO DROP A BRA SIZE.

@jadedpunkhulk Dave, Scott, or Chad? #ALL

— Chet Truster (@ChetTruster) August 23, 2012

CHET, YOU TUGGING AT HULK HEARTSTRINGS WITH THIS QUESTION. FIRST OFF LET HULK SAY THAT ALL ALMOST MORE IMPORTANT TO HULK THAN ANY BAND YOU CAN POSSIBLY THINK OF, AND THAT BECAUSE OF ALLROY’S REVENGE. ALLROY’S REVENGE HULK FIRST REAL POP PUNK LISTENING EXPERIENCE. HULK FIRST HEAR IT IN HIGH SCHOOL AND IT RESHAPE WHAT HULK THINK OF PUNK AND MUSIC IN GENERAL WHEN HULK HEAR SCOTT LAMENTING ABOUT SUICIDAL GIRL AND HOT ROD LINCOLN.

SO IT SAFE TO SAY THAT SCOTT IS HULK PICK FOR BEST ALL SINGER. SMALLEY OKAY, HULK PREFER HIS WORK IN DAG NASTY. CHAD WAS FUN. HULK LOVE FAIRWEATHER FRIEND AND ALL THAT STUFF. BUT WHEN IT COME DOWN TO IT, IT HAVE TO BE SCOTT. EVEN AFTER HEARING THAT WEIRD THING HE RECENTLY DO WITH STEPHEN EGGERTON THAT SORTA SOUND LIKE PAUL SIMON AND MICK JONES PLAYING IN BACKWARDS RED ROOM FROM TWIN PEAKS.

@jadedpunkhulk favorite bad religion lyric?

— Michael Dougherty (@mikeydoc) August 23, 2012

THERE SO MANY GOOD ONES! HERE SOME OF HULK FAVORITES:

“Now it’s time to erase the quintessential magistrate, our dodecahedral phospherate of anamorphic polycarbonate.”

“I have a concupiscent remunerative perfidiousness that’s anomalistic. I’m afflicted, you’re addicted.”

“A febrile shock, a violent smack. And the children have quintessentially encapsulated our magnanimous cicumloution. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction!”

Obviously @jadedpunkhulk listens to the best genre of them all: Punk. But if other Avengers had twitter alteregos what would they listen to?

— Gabriel Delorme (@GDelorme) August 23, 2012

GABRIEL! YOU NOT FIRST PERSON TO ASK THIS QUESTION. WITHOUT BREAKING FOURTH WALL, HULK ASSUME YOU TALKING ABOUT MOVIE LINEUP OF AVENGERS SINCE COMICS SO CONVOLUTED AND THERE WAY TOO MANY CHARACTERS. SO HULK STICK TO ESSENTIAL TEAM THAT YOU SEE ON BIG SCREEN. NOBODY READ COMICS ANYWAY AND WE NOT WANT TO CONFUSE EVERYONE WHO ONLY KNOW AVENGERS FROM THAT MOVIE WHERE THEY FIX AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER FOR HALF HOUR.

ANYWAY, THOR OF COURSE INTO METAL. HE INTO IRON MAIDEN AND SHIT BUT WHAT HE REALLY LOVE IS BLACK METAL. THOR KEEP DARKTHRONE IN HEAVY ROTATION. WE SWAP RECORDS A LOT. HE THINK LITURGY ABSOLUTE GARBAGE.

IRON MAN INTO AC/DC AND SABBATH AND NO WILL LISTEN TO ANYTHING ELSE, BUT HE A BRO WHO ONLY LISTEN TO BANDS THAT HE CAN GET DESIGNER SHIRTS OF FROM H&M.

CAPTAIN AMERICA GIANT GEEZER DOUCHE SO NATURALLY HE EXCLUSIVELY LISTEN TO ARCHIVES OF ANTIQUE PHONOGRAPH MUSIC PROGRAM ON WFMU AND HE ALWAYS LIKE “OHHH THAT MY FAVORITE SONG” AND IT SOME WEIRD BORDERLINE RACIST SONG USUALLY.

HAWKEYE INTO HAWKWIND BUT HULK THINK THAT COMPLETELY UNRELATED. HE JUST LIKE HAWKWIND. AND THAT FINE. HULK LIKE HAWKWIND TOO WHEN HULK IN MOOD. HE GIANT SNOB AND HE GONNA DO WHAT HE WANT TO DO ANYWAY SO WHO CARES?

BLACK WIDOW LISTEN TO GARBAGE. NO REALLY SHE LISTEN TO THE BAND GARBAGE. HULK EMBARRASSED FOR HER AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO. SHIRLEY MANSON POSTERS ALL OVER HER WALLS. IT RIDICULOUS. HULK LIKE TO SEND HER VIDEOS OF THAT TIME NOFX PLAY GERMAN MUSIC FESTIVAL THAT GARBAGE HEADLINE AND FAT MIKE KEEP SCREAMING ABOUT HOW HE FUCK SHIRLEY MANSON BACKSTAGE. SHE NOT FIND IT FUNNY BUT WHATEVER.

NICK FURY LISTEN TO FISHBONE.

@jadedpunkhulk are you coming to Chicago #riotfest? Why not?

— Mike(@mike_2608) August 23, 2012

WELL MIKE, THANK FOR ASKING QUESTION YOU ALREADY KNOW ANSWER TO AND WASTING EVERYONE TIME. HULK NOT LIVE IN CHICAGO AND USUALLY NOT GIVE CRAP ABOUT WHAT GOING ON IN PLACES THAT NOT NEW YORK BECAUSE WE HAVE BETTER PIZZA AND STEVE ALBINI NOT LIVE HERE BUT WHAT THE HECK, LET HULK CHECK OUT THIS LINEUP…

GIVE HULK SECOND… OKAY RIOT FEST CHICAGO…. IT SEARCHING, HOLD ON… OKAY HULK ON WEBPAGE… HULK CLICK ON CHICAGO…. LINEUP… ERROR MESSAGE…OK, REFRESHING…STILL NOT LOADING. WAIT WHAT THIS? HULK NEED TO REBOOT COMPUTER. HANG ON MINUTE…AH IT STILL NOT LOADING SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, NO.

@jadedpunkhulk Settle a bet. Does Hulk want to smash ALL Weezer albums or just some?

— Matthew Cameron (@Mattvcameron) August 23, 2012

NO OF COURSE NOT! DESPITE FACT THAT RIVERS CUOMO KING OF NERDS, FIRST TWO WEEZER ALBUMS ICONIC! WHENEVER HULK GET DRAGGED TO KARAOKE NIGHT, AFTER HULK BLOW THROUGH “I FOUGHT THE LAW” AND “I WANNA BE SEDATED” (HULK SAVE “MOTHER” FOR LAST), HULK ALWAYS PICK “SAY IT AIN’T SO”. ANYONE IN ROOM BETWEEN AGES 25 AND 40 WHO NOT KNOW EVERY WORD BY HEART, HULK AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME THEY SOME SORT OF SPACE ALIEN AND HULK NOT TRUST THEM EVER AGAIN. HULK SERIOUSLY NO CAN LOOK THEM IN EYE.

THAT SAID, THAT WHERE WEEZER GOLDEN ERA END. HULK BOUGHT GREEN ALBUM WHEN IT COME OUT AND WAS LIKE “OK?…HULK NOT SURE WHAT TO MAKE OF THIS”. THEN HULK HEAR SONG BEING USED IN MARY KATE AND ASHLEY DISNEY MOVIE AND DECIDE WEEZER PAST PRIME. THEN THEY SPEND NEXT DECADE PROVING THAT POINT.

SERIOUSLY, LET LOOK AT MOST RECENT ALBUMS IN CASE, LIKE REST OF WORLD, YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION. THEY PUT OUT RED ALBUM WHICH EFFECTIVELY SHIT ALL OVER BLUE ALBUM BY FEATURING RIVERS WEARING RIDICULOUS COWBOY HAT AND MUSTACHE. THEN THEY HAVE ALBUM NAMED RADITUDE. GET IT? THEY COMBINE TWO WORDS: RAD AND ATTITUDE. HULK WOULD HAVE NAME IT SHITFACTORY. THEN WEEZER, NO JOKE, NAME ALBUM AFTER FAT GUY FROM LOST AND PUT HIS FACE ON COVER. AT THIS POINT WEEZER PRETTY MUCH DARING YOU TO ACTUALLY BUY ALBUMS. IF YOU STILL BUYING WEEZER ALBUMS, THEY SITTING IN THEIR MANSIONS RIGHT NOW, SURROUNDED BY ASIAN CHICKS, LAUGHING AT YOU UNTIL SIDES HURT.

@jadedpunkhulk if you went back in time and ordered ice cream at baskin robins from Ian mackaye and Henry Rollins what flavor would you get?

— joe mcmahon (@joeydonitz) August 24, 2012

IF IAN AND HANK SERVING HULK ICE CREAM, HULK WOULD PROBABLY…WAIT MINUTE! AREN’T YOU THAT NERD FROM SMOKE OR FIRE?

posted by JADEDPUNKHULK