Making A Purchase On Ticketmaster In Just 184 Easy Steps!

Don Giovanni Records is putting on a showcase at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in Brooklyn this weekend and has a pretty diverse lineup. On Friday, New York songstress Laura Stevenson will be headlining. And on Saturday, New Jersey hardcore band, Stormshadow, will be reuniting. I would like to attend both because I am a man of eclectic tastes, goddammit. Conveniently, I notice that there is a 2-day pass for only $20. I would like to purchase said pass. 

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There doesn’t seem to an option to purchase both, so I click one of the ticket buttons.

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Just one ticket please, I am a lone wolf (i.e. loser). Weird, there’s no option to buy both tickets. No worries, I guess I’ll just add one to my cart and then add the other one…

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Ah, one of those verification things. Wait, but this one is confusing. Do you want me to solve it or just type the words? I didn’t come here to solve brainteasers so I type “spell this backwards: rorrim”…

 

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Ok, Ticketmaster did not like my smartassery and is now punishing me for it with this illegible version of the Breaking Bad logo. I eventually get past this human verification system they’ve got and get my ticket…

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Oh God, I’ve only got 2:15 left to do this. I do not work well under pressure. You are KILLING ME, Ticketmaster. I try to add this ticket to my cart and continue shopping for more tickets and get this message…

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Ok, I thought you would hold my tickets for me, Ticketmaster, but I’ve apparently asked too much.

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Yay, I’ve added one ticket to my cart. Now let’s get that other one.

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It brings me to this screen, so I click the link for “Music Hall of Williamsburg”…

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What the fuck are you talking about? Of course there are other events scheduled at that venue. I can think of at least one. Just let me buy the ticket!

imageI get brought back to this page. Ok, fine. Now add my Stormshadow ticket to my cart please.

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Yes, another $13 ticket + all of your ass raping fees.

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Oh, fucking come on. Give me a new word…

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You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

imageEventually, I get through to this. Ok, but what the fuck happened to my Laura Stevenson ticket?

At this point, I text Laura to tell her what a delightful experience I’m having…

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No worries, Laura. It’s not your fault. You are a true American hero.

It is then that I have an idea: I could just walk to the venue and buy a 2-day pass in person, you know, like I used to do in the olden days. So I put on my shoes and, in 2013 mind you, walk to the venue on my goddamn people feet like some sort of caveman. Fuck you, Ticketmaster for making me do physical activity. And in Williamsburg no less, the dark hipster stain of Brooklyn.

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I get to the venue and to the surprise of absolutely no one, it is not open in the middle of a weekday. If it wasn’t for the 2 Dunkin Donut breakfast sandwiches I picked up on the way home, this would’ve been a total waste of time.

So I get back home and start from the beginning…

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Ok, give me a Night 1 ticket please.

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Yes, one ticket, Ticketmaster! Stop rubbing it in that I am a reclusive loner! (JK JK, I’m totally meeting someone there.)

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You again. Ok, I’ll play your game. I unscramble the word, which is pretty obvious: “opus.”

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GET FUCKED.

I eventually get through and do one last check of my calendar to make sure I’m free… 

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Yup, I’m completely free all weekend! Hooray for crippling social anxiety!

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Ok, 4:12. I’ve got to hunker down. I’m on a deadline here.

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Now what the fuck is this? You think I would remember my Ticketmaster password? (At this point, I’d like to point out that when I was a younger idealist, I refused to go to any shows run by LiveNation/Ticketmaster. I miss having principles.) I have no choice but to click on the shameful “forgot password” button.

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Now Ticketmaster wants me to allow pop ups. I don’t see why not, they haven’t been obtrusive AT ALL so far.

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Yes fine. I check my email, get the password, and it makes me START AT THE BEGINNING.

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Ticketmaster is really making clear who the boss is in our relationship. I prove I am a subservient non-robot person and get to put my credit card info in…

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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, TICKETMASTER, JUST TAKE MY GODDAMN INFO.

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Yes yes, delete my info, steal my identity, do one of those Inception-dream-eraser things on me. Just let me overpay you for my ticket!

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I put my credit card info in and get this…

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Oh you mean I can give you 7 more of my dollars, Ticketmaster? Well, you deserve it, you’ve earned it for making this all so easy for me. But I don’t have 7 extra dollars so I will pass on your ticket protection fee, albeit recommended.

imageYup, whatever the fuck this means, sure.

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Hey, Facebook friends! Guess what! I just got time-raped by Ticketmaster! Ooh, I just got an email from Ticketmaster, let me see what that’s about…

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Yay! I am confirmed. But wait, $18.45? What happened to $16.45? Thought you’d just tack on an extra two dollars for your troubles, Ticketmaster? That seems fair. You’ve made this process so easy on me. You deserve it.

So instead of a 2-day pass for $20, I got a 1-day pass for $18.45. And now I won’t buy the second ticket because I refuse to spend $36.90. Also, I am too poor. So I will not see you, Stormshadow, because Ticketmaster is a terrible company, on par with Halliburton. 

Notes

  1. justinelee1993 reblogged this from jadedpunk
  2. dramma-drama reblogged this from jadedpunk and added:
    Yes. Yes. Ducking yes.
  3. life-as-a-skeleton reblogged this from jadedpunk
  4. loveisourresistance27 reblogged this from jadedpunk
  5. lutralutralutralutra reblogged this from jadedpunk
  6. alanfromrochester reblogged this from jadedpunk and added:
    Ticketmaster can suck it, but I would have just gone back to the venue box office when they were open.
  7. formidableumbrage reblogged this from igotkittypryde and added:
    Ticketmaster should be starved, cut, whipped, punched in the taint, smothered and left to be eaten by rabid kinkajous.
  8. ipissedinyourmountaindew reblogged this from sykelifeisokay
  9. sykelifeisokay reblogged this from jadedpunk
  10. sarasvatiseixas reblogged this from jadedpunk
  11. gengarinmycar reblogged this from jadedpunk
  12. kevinwhite reblogged this from jadedpunk
  13. aeiiouu reblogged this from jadedpunk and added:
    berb
  14. nfamcpatches reblogged this from jadedpunk and added:
    Just terrific read and learn
  15. yogfest reblogged this from laurastevenson
  16. itsserenwrap reblogged this from laurastevenson and added:
    Don Giovanni Records is putting on a showcase at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in Brooklyn this weekend and has a...
  17. funcul reblogged this from jadedpunk and added:
    I just laughed so hard.
  18. laurastevenson reblogged this from jadedpunk and added:
    had a tough time getting...Don Giovanni Showcase...story...

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