Green Day Didn’t Sell Out, Still Totally Punk Rock, According To Incredibly Stupid Article

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The Phoenix New Times has apparently taken up the practice of letting 12-year-olds write their music columns. Like this one this week entitled, “Green Day Didn’t Forsake Its Punk Roots; You Just Got Old and Complacent.” Ok now, that sounds like the stupidest headline ever written in the history of journalism, but let’s not judge a book by its cover. Maybe the writer makes some good points. Let’s take a look…

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11 Bands That Ripped Off Other Bands

With a limited number of chords and even more limited pool of talent, songs get ripped off in the world of punk all the time. It happens. Here are some similarities within or close to the genre that we’re just pointing out for entertainment purposes. No need to freak out or anything. Just sayin’…

Taking Back Sunday Ripped Off On The Might Of Princes

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Back in 2002, the Long Island hardcore scene‘s own On The Might Of Princes put out an album called Where You Are And Where You Want To Be. It’s a nice little piece of screamo gold, if you’ve never heard it. Fellow Long Islanders Taking Back Sunday were familiar with the album, having opened up for OTMOP several times. That’s why it was pretty fishy when they released their similarly titled and thoroughly insufferable 2004 album, Where You Want To Be. Defying all logic, Taking Back Sunday’s album blew up, selling copies to 163,000 kids with no discernible taste in music. A few people started to notice the similarity. TBS guitarist Eddie Reyes was interviewed in 2007 and was asked about whether it was intentional:

"No, not at all. I mean, we played a couple shows with them, we knew them, but they weren’t close to us and they weren’t like best friends. They’re good guys. Nah, it was just a coincidence I think. It was just a coincidence basically."


Oh ok, well that explains that. Not sketchy
at all. Especially the part where you repeated yourself about a hundred times.

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Green Day: A Year In Review

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What happened to Green Day? They were once a likeable pop punk trio from Berkeley who happened to enjoy some major mainstream success. But over the last decade, the band has made a very public point of taking their good name and running it through a shitfactory of commercialism and over-indulgence, making just about every mistake an aging group of high-priced punks can make: They released concept albums. They recorded rock operas. They turned their albums into Broadway musicals. They made a Rock Band video game. They lent their songs to every fucking Disney movie, sports highlight reel, Vince Vaughn comedy, and Rhapsody commercial that needed a catchy guitar hook. They redefined their “look,” dressing like a cross between Avril Lavigne and hired goons in a Joel Schumacher Batman movie. And they committed the worst injustice of them all: They stole riffs from Dillinger Four. YOU DON’T STEAL RIFFS FROM DILLINGER FOUR.

But in 2012, Green Day elevated things to Andy Kaufman-levels of absurdity, making us question whether or not it was actually some ingenious joke at our expense. There was so much absurdity, in fact, that it’s hard to believe it all happened in one year. Let’s dissect it all chronologically, shall we?

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Billie Joe Armstrong’s Deleted Scene From “This Is 40” Is Actually Kinda Funny

Here’s Billie Joe Armstrong’s deleted scene from the new Judd Apatow movie, “This Is 40,” where he talks about an anonymous side project that combines Norwegian death metal and Belle and Sebastian. “It’s sort of music you can cry to but also maybe burn a church down at the same time.” We know we give Billie and Green Day a lot of shit because they are consistently ridiculous, but this is actually a fantastic idea and kinda funny to boot. Billie, we realize this was a joke meant to make Apatow’s legions of aging stoners laugh, but if you start this side project, we will support it! No questions asked.

Punk Rock Toddler, Billie Joe Armstrong, Throws Tantrum On Stage

In the middle of playing “Basket Case” at the I Heart Radio Music Festival (whatever the fuck that is) Billie Joe Armstrong stopped mid-song to complain about Green Day having their set cut from 45 minutes to 25 minutes, bitched for a full minute about it, said he was not “fucking Justin Bieber, you motherfuckers”, dropped a bunch more f-bombs, and then smashed his guitar. Mike Dirnt, who also thinks it’s a good idea to copy Billie Joe’s guyliner habit, quickly followed suit and smashed his too. Now, normally, it’d be a pretty badass move to curse out your host and smash your equipment. But Billie manages to look like a toddler up past his bedtime. Enjoy the 21st century breakdown.

posted by Dan Ozzi

The Version of Angry Birds No One Asked For: Green Day Edition

In a move that would make Gene Simmons blush, Rovio, developer of the popular video game, Angry Birds, announced today that they’ve formed a partnership with Green Day around the release of the band’s forthcoming three album crapathon. The game will feature pig characters based on the three Green Day members.

Rovio’s Head of Stupid Ideas, Peter Vesterbacka, said of the partnership:

"A lot of people that play Angry Birds haven’t listened to Green Day before, and a lot of fans of Green Day haven’t played Angry Birds before. On both sides, we want to expand the fanbase and expose more people to Angry Birds and Green Day, so it’s a very good fit."

He then added, “Seriously, if I catch one motherfucker who hasn’t heard Green Day or played Angry Birds, I will hunt them down in my Hummer 2 while I blast American Idiot and slingshot actual birds at them. Do not test me.”

The three members of Green Day were unavailable for comment as they were all busy adding new stories to their respective houses.

posted by Dan Ozzi

New Green Day Video Is Just Five Straight Minutes of Sideboob

Green Day has posted the video for their new single “Oh Love” and as far as we can tell, it’s just five straight minutes of glamour models looking appropriately bored while flashing sideboob.

Maybe this was just meant to be a distraction so no one would notice the middle aged men in eyeliner singing a song that sounds like a 5-year-old made it up. Here’s a recap of some of the sideboob after the jump:

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A Serious Investigative Investigation: ‘Who Are MASKED INTRUDER?: An Investigation’

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We recently reviewed the new album by the mysteriously anonymous band, MASKED INTRUDER. It’s a nice little piece of pop punk gold, which made us even more curious: Who are these masked gentlemen? We’ve decided to launch a full-on, exhaustive investigation complete with Emmy-worthy research. And frankly, we don’t care that they don’t give Emmys to websites, we’re doing it. Suck it, Geraldo.

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Billie Joe Armstrong To Join NBC’s ‘The Voice’ As Mentor/Eyeliner Consultant

Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong will join the cast of NBC’s “The Voice” this season as a “talent” consultant to Christina Aguilera’s team. Interviewed holding a sack full of cash with the NBC logo on it, Armstrong said of the show: “it’s not molding artists, it’s just giving them a little bit of guidance and direction without giving them a complete makeover.” And no one knows more about makeovers than the guy who dresses like the villains in a Joel Schumacher Batman movie.

Hey Billie, save some punk rock for the rest of us, wouldya?

posted by Dan Ozzi