Win a Copy of the New Lawrence Arms Record and a Shirt

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Above is our handsome pal Brendan Kelly (who you may know from The Lawrence Arms, The Falcon, or the Chicago Police Department’s arrest log for public intoxication) wearing one of our dumb shirts. He has a new Lawrence Arms album out this week called Metropole which you may have heard about if you’ve been anywhere near the internet over the last month.

Want to win a dumb shirt and a dumb album? All you have to do is take the above image and photoshop Brendan into doing/wearing something that makes us laugh. Maybe he is stroking off a giant camel dong. Maybe he is dressed as one of the members of the Casualties. Maybe he is riding a rollercoaster into a giant vagina. Or maybe all three. The possibilities are endless.

Brendan will pick the winner. We’ll send you a shirt in your size (we currently have S-XL) and a copy of Metropole on vinyl (but only if you live within the continental US).

To help you out, we’ve photoshopped the background out. Download the PSD here. Get shoppin’! Contest ends next week. Submit them to: media@jadedpunk.com OR tweet your masterpiece with the hashtag #beexphotoshop.

(Please note: You are not getting the actual shirt Brendan is wearing. You will be getting a fresh one that does not smell like him. Sorry, ladies.)

Song of the Day: Featherweight - “Ugly”

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We have been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to figure out exactly which post-hardcore band Featherweight sounds like. Maybe Small Brown Bike? Maybe Title Fight? Maybe Knapsack? Anyway, who are we to tell you what some band sounds like? Listen for yourself at their gravelly awesomeness. Their EP is out this week from Limited Fanfare.

Song of the Day: Happy Diving - “Complacent”

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Happy Diving have an EP out next month from Father/Daughter Records and we’ve got an early song from it. Sounds like late 90s grunge punk from California and we’re into it. Honestly, it sounds a little bit like that Cloud Nothings album that came out last year, but meaner. We’re into it. 


GET DEAD - Kerouac's Teeth

We met this band a couple weeks and they were a pretty interesting buncha dudes. They looked like they ride life pretty hard and sounded like it too from the stories they were telling us. Well, last week, they flipped their fucking van in epic fashion and holy shit, we’re glad they’re still alive after that. Since they are need of cash, go buy their shit, if for no other reason than to own a shirt that says “Get Dead” on it. They mentioned that some people ask them what the band name means. Really? What is to get about that?

Jeff Rowe - An Island's Point of View

Song of the Day

Last night, we hosted the ever-awesome Sundowner and his sexy ass collarbones in Brooklyn. (Seriously, you could cut a diamond on those things.)

Our opener was a dude named Jeff Rowe and we give him the JP seal of approval. Not only for his cool solo jams but because he remembers all our favorite old screamo/grind/emoviolence bands from back in the day like Majority Rule and Assuck and City of Caterpillar. If you ever get the chance to see him, you should. And then ask him about pg. 99.

Why Is Jello Biafra Starring In This Hipster Games Parody?

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Is there anything less timely and more lame than a parody video about hipsters? Yes, in fact, there is—a parody video about hipsters spoofing The Hunger Games. But for some reason, Jello Biafra did not see the inherent lameness in this and decided to star in it. (The man’s gotta keep busy until the next presidential election!) Personally, we’re not watching any of these parody movies unless the Wayans brothers are in them. Or Charlie Sheen, because that guy is hilarious. WINNING! My wiiiife. Very niiiice. Opa #gangnam syle# But anyway, here is the non-Wayansed Hunger Games/hipster spoof and oh god this sentence is so stupid to write kill us now please.

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Tell Us About Your Shitty Ex and Win Some Rival Schools Records

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So, true story: My shitty ex girlfriend used to live in this stupid hippie commune loft warehouse place in Brooklyn. Sometimes it was hard to sleep because all her roomates were outside her bedroom having REALLY DEEP NOT AT ALL PRETENTIOUS conversations about being an artist. Also, it wasn’t properly insulated so there would be a terrible draft. Anyway, her bedroom ended up being pictured on the cover of the new Rival Schools LP. I think it may’ve been recorded there too. Aside from that unfortunate fact, the record is pretty fucking awesome. And United By Fate is also, of course, killer. Duh.

So, since we don’t wanna keep these shitty memories lying around, we’re giving them to YOU.

Here’s how to enter:

Has a shitty ex ever ruined a band for you? Tweet at us and tell us about it in 140 characters, and boom, you are entered to win a copy of the Found LP and a United By Fate 2XLP reissue. We’ll pick one winner and send you these rad records. (You must live in the US or Canada to enter. Sorry, international people! I’m sure your exes are also terrible!)

(You can thank the fine folks at Shop Radio Cast for hooking this up. Follow them on Facebook and Twitter.)